mr. dubur is annoying me again.

i can not keep up with your spontaneousness anymore. i can not handle the crowd of lingering thoughts both good and bad in my mind anymore. i don't like the crowded house up there, nor do i like your way of letting myself get stressed out over issues regarding u ass hole, and letting others comfort me instead. i do not like it when u tell me that i'm unimportant and unnecessary and still expect me to be around u. i don't like keeping quiet when i'm being poked at. i do not like being inferior to u. i dislike too many things and that is why i am hard to please. knowing this, why am i not letting those people in line waiting to please me, to please me? can i voluntarily admit myself to ward 24 to get a couple of electroconvulsive therapy sessions? so that u'll be out of my mind for now. =)

i desperately want a pair of black satin peep toe stiletto NOW. my collection of heels are seriously getting shorter and shorter. i am now buying 2 inches heels and ballet pumps... 0.0 that is so not me.

its really annoying when i walk into nearly every shop in sg. wang, times square and tiny malls to try to find bargain buys and find out that nearly all of them get their stock from the same supplier. and shoes from those places tend to look so plastic and hard, they're just too painful to look at. they have the best killer heels in aus which also kills my purse. when will i ever own a shoe closet like mariah carey? where can i find christian louboutin-like shoes at a cheaper price?? i won't mind the lesser quality cuz i run all over town with my shoes, and they don't usually last long. y do they only sell imitation bags of aaaaaaaaaaaaaa quality all over malaysia but not shoes?? i've seen imitation nike and adidas, but where r those fake jimmy choo's or neiman marcus? and with the current amount they pay housemen, and if i were to ever graduate, i will prolly be able to buy like... 1-2 pairs per month? then i can never own mariah carey's shoe closet. =(

i had a splint on today! which lasted for about 2 hours before i ripped it apart. hate being tied down. like literally. tied down. i'm still thinking of u dear christian louboutin ambro lace peep-toe pump... <3 ok about the splint. i remember having to bandage my thumb for more than a month 2 years back cuz of that ass hole. and a semi splint like thing done by kim how cuz of that ass hole too. the splint was really annoying. so is the boyfriend, and have alweiz been. for 3 whole years. i don't like u. i don't like u. i don't like u.

update: hahahha, the boyfriend's car tyre got punctured. i still hate u.

made the same mistake again

2 months ago, i told myself, if i ever get back together with the boyfriend, i shouldn't expect so much from him anymore as he doesn't owe me anything and i should appreciate him for what he is. and that way, we'll quarrel and argue less.

the 2 weeks he was back last month, was the best ever as i only got to spend 3 weekends with him. and we both tried to make the best out of the limited time we had together. towards the end of his trip back to malaysia, at the airport, as i was about to send him off, the boyfriend made a random decision to come back to malaysia to continue with his studies. he went to perth for a month to enjoy spending his 1 semester's fees on booze, girls and massages. hmmm... I HATE U BOYFRIEND!!

so our long distance relationship was reduced from 5 hours flight away to 2 hours drive away. its still long distance, but i can see him more often now! =) so. he came back on the day my holidays started. i've got 1 week of holiday but the boyfriend hasn't got time for me! he's too busy with work. and once he's done, he's just too tired for me. i can see the mere effort he's putting in to accompany me whenever possible. i don't know if its too much for me to ask, but i want more time together with him. its not like he needs the job. i know he's trying to prove himself to his parents and he really needs to do so now. after flunking so many times in australia and wasting so much money.

its good that he's finally getting a grip on his life. i guess. so i've to be more understanding and supportive right? -.- this is the 4th day i'm sitting here looking at him doing his work. and this will go on until 6pm and we'll have to go have dinner with his family and by 9pm, he'll be dead tired and will just fall asleep somewhere. he'll wake up b4 midnite and the only thing we can do then is watch a movie or just bum around at home and quarrel. ^^

i shall not find fault with him today. but just did this morning. haha. poor boyfriend...

i privatized my blog months ago and stopped updating because i didn't quite like how some were digging info about my past. but since i don't know where else i can dump all my complaints, my blog's back! and i freakin don't care bout my past anymore, cuz my present is sooo <3<3<3

now, i have a few additions to my list of dislikes. however, no matter how strongly i dislike them, they're still no match for the queen of cunts, peijun. the "deceased" has disappeared. so has the queen, and my new additions, "intentional lordosis", "stripper", and the others don't have nicknames yet. i sooo wanted to upload pics of the stripper but the boyfriend deleted them all. guess he knows that i'll upload it here after seeing them. i found out about the stripper's existance thru facebook and actually mistaken her as a guy from her display pic. -.- i seriously didn't expect the boyfriend to have anything to do with her at 1st. cuz she REALLY looks like a guy. but damn, she has nice tits. maybe i'll log into the bf's msn someday n webbie her again.

the boyfriend was back for 2 weeks when i still had classes on, so i only got to spend weekends with him. and woot! he was the sweetest ever! the 1st day he was back, we went straight from "i dont know if i should still be with u" to "in a relationship" again. haha. everything's back to normal. or even better than normal. <3>

exam's in a week's time. ive got 10 days off after the exam. n the boyfriend has already promised to b back by then... he better keep his promise.

lets see how long it takes for people to realise that i made my blog public again....

if i had listened to him

then i wouldn't be where i am today.

when i couldn't get into medicine in perth 2 years ago. everyone suggested a different alternative, maybe law, maybe accounting they said. any profession would b as good. to earn and support the very expensive me. of course everyone would be supportive when i decide to choose a so very noble profession as such. pfft. but after 2 years of doing it. i seem to b going nowhere but around in circles.

he was the only one who kept suggesting other courses, but others kept insisting that i can do it i can do it. i fucken know my own limitations man. y dont i switch to another course then you might say. BECAUSE. my grandfather. who loves me a lot a lot a lot, spoils me so rotten that words can never describe his love towards me or maybe i should say his super high hopes towards me that i can't bear the feeling of disappointing him. he's sick. most of the diseases i can name till this point, he has it. n he keeps telling me that he will hold on until the day i graduate and come for my convocation. u know how that feels everytime he tells me that? how am i ever gonna give up on medicine?! i shouldn't have started medicine in the 1st place. haha. what stupid excuse right...

but if really. i had listened to my dad. n disappointed my grandpa there n then, for maybe a short while. and go for a shorter course, i'd be graduating soon. and working?! i don't wanna work. -.-

licher licher... what izit that u actually want?!

in the midst of a crisis

we are in the middle of something serious and you! people like you! just have to stand between us like some big freakin wall huh. there was peijun. and now u? what the fuck is wrong with u guys man, can't u freakin get your own guy?

i'm trying all i can to save this relationship. im doing nothing but trying to save this relationship. maybe i tried too hard. or he just doesnt care about me anymore.